The rest of the world is so much bigger than just me, you, us, etc. I am so small and uninformed about all of the worldly events, miracles, scandals, wars, economical troubles, downfalls, and wonders. So many things have caught my eyes tonight whilst browsing the internet and it’s all very humbling.
In Europe there’s a horse meat scandal, and rustic old towns in China where mothers wake up at 5 am and carry their child in a basket on their back to and from work every day are being turned into booming cities practically over night. The crows that live in Tokyo are using hangers from peoples’ apartments to build nests because they are running so low on natural resources and I can’t remember where, but in 2004 something happened to a bridge that costed a town a 1.25 billion dollar loss/death in herring (fish). The economy still flows, I still drive to work every day, sleep in a comfy bed in my heated room next to my sweet boyfriend with a bottle of clean water and wake up the next day to do it again.
Being a waitress, I’m always meeting and coming across new and fascinating people, however, more often than not I am just dealing with (including myself and coworkers) ignorance and arrogance; it’s sickening. How do people really go about their daily life not only not caring, but not being curious about the world outside of their own country, better yet their own home? How have I let myself become so concerned about little things like owning another pair of fuzzy boots and when I’m being able to afford to get my hair dyed all sorts of crazy colors again when there are people hours away wondering how they are going to make it to work with all of these blisters on their feet and no socks for yet another long day? Am I really that vain?
Then I think, maybe the fact that I’m thinking about these things and am aware of them makes it a little better. Then again, it’s a Friday night just five days before Christmas and the bars are full of thirsty people just looking for some shit to spend their money on. Goodwill will be empty tomorrow morning, and Toys ‘R’ Us will be packed. I will be at the mall making my way to buy just one more special gift for my sweet, overworked, oh so patient boyfriend. Does it make it okay that I have a really good reason for spending so much Christmas money on him this year? I just want him to, for the first time in his life, experience a Christmas with multiple nice gifts under the tree like he deserves. Just once.
Does it make me selfish or selfless that I want his face to light up like it’s never before on Christmas morning and I want to be there to witness it? I’m only 20 and he’s only 22; we may not be together forever so I don’t want to waste this precious inestimable time that we have right here and right now. Then again.. he repeatedly tells me he’s not going anywhere and he’s in it for the long run, and we have been through some very strange ups and downs from long distance to living together to his poor terrible break in his arm and spongebaths and waking up in the middle of the day (or night- tracking time was too difficult then) just to help him go to and use the restroom. Here I am again- being small minded and thinking of little things. His break was terrible, but we have amazing medical technology and now he’s got a fabulous bone/titanium arm.
I don’t know. My mind is scrambled and I could go for a bubble bath but I don’t have a bath tub. Poor me. I just don’t want that childhood dream to make a difference die.